By Moonlight
by lady patronus
Summary: One of my first stories. Set in Remus Lupin's 7th Year: a short fic on when the monster inside him and his girlfriend clash...
1. Transformation and Contemplation

__

What is to become of me?  
  
  
_CRACK!_ Remus Lupin howled in pain. He yelled out his fury as his legs started to extend and grow hair. This was the moments he dreaded the most. It was a painfull process.  
  
  
_Why me?_  
  
  
There was another odd fizzing noise as his jaw started to extend and his tongue filled his mouth. He couldn't breath, the pain was enough to make him pass out.   
  
But he didn't.  
  
He wished he did.  
  
_Is this a punishment? Did I do something to deserve this?_ A the bad things that had ever happened in his life, all the memories that made his heart clench, ran through his head.  
  
  
_Yes, it was a punishment sent from the moon, but did he deserve it?_ He didn't know.   
  
  
He felt a sharp pain in his lower back as his tail started to extend and lengthen. He let out another howl of pain.  
  
He thought of Mercy as his snout started to form. He let out great gasping breaths, his vision started turning a dull gray color.  
  
  
Mercy. Sweet, gentle, kind, forgiving Mercy.  
  
  
_What would she think if she saw him like this? If she knew? Would she still love him?_  
  
  
His ears lengthened, and his teeth sharpened. He tried to gain control over his body, but he couldn't. He tried to make it stop, but the full moon was directly above him, and there was no stopping the change once it had begun.   
  
He could almost feel her soft hands on his face, calming him. She knew he was sick, she never talked about it, never indicated that she did, but she knew.   
  
  
_But did she know it was this?_  
  
  
As his body began to settle, his heart began to stir.   
  
  
He didn't deserve her.  
  
  
He let out a long howl of pain as the transformation was complete, the last thing he saw was the full moon above him, and then everything went black.  



	2. The Day After

Remus sat at the Griffindor table in the great hall, unoticed by the noisy crowd of students in the great hall. Normally he would have attracted the attention a million girls, but not now, not when he looked so horrible; his eyes blood shot, his hair messed up, his clothes crinkled, and years beyond his age.   
  
Nobody recognized him as smart, cool, popular Remus Lupin who was part of the most sought after heart throb gang in the school, the muraders.   
  
His head was in his hands, he had a horrible headache. His whole body was sore and painful. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was shaky. He didn't try to eat for fear that if he did, he would drop his fork.  
  
He heard two people sit down oposite him and start eating, bickering and poking and teasing each other. Remus didn't even need to look up, he knew who they were.   
  
"Really mate, just try and eat something," His friend James Potter looked across the table at his with sympathy.   
  
"Come on, Lupin! Just try, other wise I'm going to spoon feed you, and THAT might look a little awkward," said Siruis, he always made Remus laugh the hardest.  
  
Remus smiled slightly. He rested his head on the table. Then he banged it.  
  
"What are you doing?" Mercy came up behind him, and planted a kiss on his cheek.   
  
"Hullo," he mumbled, but he stayed with his head on the table.  
  
"Rough night, huh?" she sat down beside him, and put her hand on his. She brought it to her lips and kissed it. "I'm sorry," she whispered to his hand. Remus smiled again, but his time it was with more energy.   
  
He lifted his head off the table, his friends were all giving him sympathetic looks.   
  
"Don't look at me like that!" he said, throwing up his hands.  
  
"Sorry mate, we were only worried,"  
"Yeah, were your friends, were supposed to do that,"  
  
"Remus, I love you, you know that. I just want you to be okay."  
  
"Thanks," he hugged her, and he tried to eat again. He was right, he did drop his fork.   
  
***  
  
Remus sat under a tree by the lake. He was by himself again. He was still a little shaky, but he was doing much better than this morning. He was seriously thinking about his being a werewolf and Mercy. He tried to find a way to balance it, but so far, he had no such luck. He watched the giant squid reach up out of the water and tickle a 1st year, surprising her so much, she screamed, dropping her bag and all her books. The top of the lake bubbled, almost like the giant squid was laughing. He saw a group of Slytherins laughing loudly at her as she bent down to pick up her belonings, pink faced.  
  
Remus sighed, he really didn't deserve Mercy. But he loved her so much, he didn't want to let her go.  
  
He punched the tree he was leaning on, _Damn it! I'm being selfish for holding on to her. She doesn't deserve me. I'm putting her in danger!_  
  
Remus growled in anger, slid down the tree and sat again.   
  
He ran his hands through his hair, at the age of 17 he was already beginning to grow white hairs and wrinkles around his eyes. Mercy thought they were cute.   
  
Remus sighed. But he would also cause her pain if he broke up with her, he didn't want that, he couldn't do that.   
  
Not to Mercy.   
  
But he had to, better she be mad at him, than he hurt her and not being alive to be mad at him.


	3. Asking

"Mercy, lets go for a walk around the lake,"  
  
"Nah, not right now. I still have a lot of homework to do…"  
  
"Okay," Remus mentally punched himself.  
  
***  
  
"Mercy, lets go to the astronomy tower, I heard that it'll be a clear night, and we can look at the stars."  
  
"I can't I have to wake up early tomorrow so I can make up that test I missed in Herbology. I'm sorry,"  
  
"It's okay, you gotta do what you gotta do," _Herbology… I can't have her miss a test so that I can break up with her. Maybe tomorrow…_  
  
***  
  
As the week ended, Remus was running out of idea's to get her alone so that they could talk. He figured that he could let her down gently this Hogsmede weekend.   
  
"Mercy!" he sprinted down the hall after her. _Please don't be busy this weekend, Please don't be busy this weekend! _  
  
"You aren't doing anything this Hogsmede weekend, are you,"   
  
"No, I'm not." she paused, " Remus Lupin, are you trying to ask me something," A sly smile crept up her face.  
  
"Yes, I'm asking if you'd like to join me on a romantic day at Hogsmede, then a moonlit stroll around the lake. Whadaya say?"  
  
She pretended like she was seriously thinking about it. She put her finger to her cheek and cocked her head. Remus tickled her. She started squirming and giggling,  
  
"Okay, okay!" he stopped tickling her, "Mister Lupin, I believe I'm not doing anything this weekend, and I would love to join you in your… what do you call it," she pretended like she was thinking again, "romantic day," she finished.  
  
"Great!" They smiled at each other.  
  
"Listen, I gotta go, or I'm going to be late for Potions,"  
  
"Alright, so I'll see you later?"  
  
"Definitely,"  
  
Mercy walked away, he watched how she swayed when she walked, he loved everything about her.  
  
And now he was going to break up with her….


	4. The Break Up

Everything had gone perfectly. The whole day was as perfect as a day could be, but Remus Lupin felt horrible.  
  
He shivered as he waited for her to come down from her dormitory, even though he was sitting right beside the fire. The full moon was coming again soon. Tonight was the night he had to break up with her.  
  
His stomach was doing flip flops. He didn't want to break up with her. Inside he was crying, the one he loved most, and the one who had loved him back he was going to break up with tonight. He stared solemnly at the fire. He didn't even notice that Mercy had come down the stairs and was watching him, observing; he was too wrapped up in his thoughts.   
  
***

Mercy watched him. She loved everything about him, from his soft eyes, to his brilliant mind, the way he gave that crooked smile, and the way his tie hung sideways. She loved him, she loved him so much, she dreamed about marrying him at night, she dreamed about their family they would share, and when they would grow old together. She was truly, deeply, in love with the boy that stared at the fire named Remus Lupin.   
  
But something was to happen to her in a few weeks that would not make any of what she dreamed of come true.  
  
***  
  
They had finally made their way to the lake, and were holding hands. Remus lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it.  
  
"Mercy, you know I love you, right?"  
  
"Of course I know that, and you know I love you too,"  
  
Remus sighed, this was not going to be easy. He remembered, _better her being mad at me, then her being dead and not being able to be mad at me._  
  
"Mercy…." his voice broke.  
  
"Remus…."  
  
"Stop that!" he swung around so that he was facing her.  
  
"What is it? What's the matter?"  
  
Remus sighed, he could feel tears building up behind his eyes.  
  
"Mercy, I love you so much, I really do. But in the end, it's not going to work out."  
  
She gave him a blank look, Remus didn't say anything more, he couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.   
It finally dawned on her, that this was it.   
  
"But…. Why?" she gasped out.   
  
He didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say. "Mercy," he looked up. He wished he hadn't, silent tears were streaming down her face. And that triggered his to start to. "Mercy, please don't cry," He hugged her.   
  
She didn't hug back.  



	5. What She Saw

It was happening again. It came too soon, so unexpectedly.   
  
It had been a week after the break up, Mercy had avoided any contact with him as much as possible. She seemed tired and she kept to her friends, she was never alone.   
  
They were all in the common room, it was about 7 o'clock. The sun was almost completely set, Remus didn't realize that's why he was feeling bad the whole day. He thought it was due to the break up.  
  
He felt the first stages coming on while they were doing homework; it became hard to breath and he started gasping. He was starting to perspire and his vision was becoming unfocused, fading from a dull gray to intense blinding white. He could hardly keep himself upright and he fell to the floor, the marauders, realizing what was happening, were quick to react. Sirius pulled a dung bomb out of his pocket.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" he let out a Tarzan-like yell, and threw the stink bomb in the center of the room. There was pandemonium and everyone was scrambling out of the portrait hole or running up the stairs to their dormitories.   
  
"Run!" and he pushed James and Remus towards the portrait hole. Siruis was acting like he was a maniac, he started running around, screaming, throwing bombs at people who hadn't moved, smoke was everywhere.  
  
Remus was writhing with pain, and James was half carrying a beginning to form werewolf out of the common room.   
  
  
But through the smoke, a girl saw the struggling James and the deformed Remus. She followed them.  
  
***  
  
They were on the grounds and Remus was almost fully changed, James had turned into a stag and was now butting the werewolf towards the forest and into the cover. Sirius was no where to be seen. Behind them, a little rat followed. And behind that, unseen, a girl followed.  
  
In the middle of the grounds, it happened. Remus changed completely, unable to hold it back any longer, and let out a terrifying howl. A big dog came running toward them and was barking. The stag was trying with all it's might to get him into the forest, the dog also helped, while the rat ran ahead into the forest.   
  
The girl sat there behind a bush in silence. There was a lump in the back of her throat. Was she really seeing what she thought she saw? Millions of things ran through her head as she tried to piece things together.  
  
The werewolf stopped struggling against the stag. His ears perked and his nose started twitching.   
  
The stag and the dog were suddenly aware that there was a person out on the grounds. They watched, unable to do anything as a figure started to run toward the castle, and the werewolf bounded after her.


	6. Too Late

The stag and the dog bounded after the werewolf chasing the girl.  
  
The girl ran with the realization that the boy was a werewolf.   
  
The boy/werewolf followed in hot pursuit and the dog and the stag gained on him.   
  
The dog was barking, and the stag was gaining speed and was trying to herd the werewolf away from the girl. The girl was screaming.   
  
The stag galloped in front of the werewolf and butted him head on. But the werewolf slashed him with his claws. The werewolf was hungry, no one was going to stop it. He ran gaining speed, and finally he pounced on her.   
  
The moon has almost disappeared and the sun's faint light was starting to appear over the opposite horizon. The stag and the dog both changed back to humans, in mid run. They threw themselves at the werewolf, yelling.  
  
Then, the first rays of the sun hit the werewolf and all three boys collapsed on the ground, panting.  
  
Remus was staring up at the sky, tears were streaming down his face. He just stared at the sky, he didn't look anywhere else. Then he uttered one word,  
  
  
"Mercy…"  
  
  
  
The stag/boy and the dog/boy looked back at the girl.  
  
And to their horror, they found that they were too late. 


	7. 3 Months Later

Remus had been expelled from school. Dumbledore, the head master, had tried to plead his case, but to no prevail. The ministry were fixed on that fact that he was a werewolf and not to be trusted, it was too dangerous for one of **_them_** to be running around a school.   
  
Remus was living at the edge of a muggle community. Next to his house there was a heavily wooded area. He had been forced to live under house arrest for the last 3 months and was finally out.   
That night, he slipped out of the house.  
  
It was roughly about 1 in the morning. He took his broom and leapt up into the sky. He flew over the forest and over many cities, before finally beginning his descent. He landed quietly and looked around. He walked among the many grave stones and finally stopped in front of one of them. It read  
  
Mercy Theadora Henton (1959- 1976)  
Rest in Peace  
  
  
Remus dropped to his knees and sobbed, He sobbed his sorrow and his anger. The past three months had been a living hell for him.   
  
"I'm so sorry! Mercy, I'm so sorry!" he cried as he fell to the grass.   
  
When he finally when he had cried out all his grief and sorrow, and reached into his pocket and pulled out a little paper.  
  
"Mercy, I only knew you for a couple of years, but I loved you, I loved you as much as a boy could love a girl. I'm sorry for everything. I know you deserved better, I tried, I really did try. But it wasn't enough. You found me at my worst, under the moonlight, but even if I did to you what did in that form, it was still me, I have no excuse. But believe me when I say, that I Love You, I love you in any shape, size, or form I am in, for that is my true self. I loved you at my best, and I loved you at my worst. And I still love you."  
  
He laid the piece of paper on the ground on top of the grave.   
  
Remus gave one last look at the grave and then took flight, leaving behind a trail of tears.  
  


The little paper fluttered in the wind and flew away. On the wind it carried its words.  
  
_Look for me by moonlight; Watch for me by moonlight; I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way… _  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_FIN _  



End file.
